Vocari Dei means "Calling God" in Latin. I took this title from a Pain of Salvation song, and, despite the plagiarism, this simple words carry a powerful meaning to me.
I grew up in a very religious environment, but my parents persistent attempts to show me "God's Grace" has failed. It is not that I don't believe in God or anything, I just can't believe in religion in general. It is very hard for me to see the difference between one's personal convictions and the real will of God. Or in other words, I simply cannot understand why an almighty God would use impure vassals to communicate his Grace.
My parents constantly say "Thanks to God this happened" when something good happens or "It was not God's will" when something bad happens. But in my eyes this is nothing but chance. The same concept applies to prayers. Wonderful things have happened to me both when I have prayed and when I have not, ditto the other way around.
Anyway, my point is: if God, does indeed, exists he is far more apathetic than what people believe. Perhaps God is nothing but the sum of all of our ideals and fears. It is very terrifying to think there is someone or something constantly watching you, and this being will be responsible for your fate in the afterlife. To me, this sounds way too earthly and human fabricated.
I, for one, will keep believing in God. But my conviction in his existence will, by no means, interfere with the way I will make my decisions or live my life in general.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Bright Amaranth Pink
Just as glamorous as Elton John
It’s listening to techno…
When you taste an angel’s dust.
It’s running naked through Rio’s Carnaval
Feeling the rhythm of Samba,
Disregarding all of the malicious gazes.
It’s closing your eyes
To live your oppressed fantasies,
Without the fear of being judged.
It’s the heat that consumes you
When you give your heart and body,
To your true love.
Bright Amaranth Pink is…
A trip to your unconsciousness
And a meeting with your True Self.
It’s listening to techno…
When you taste an angel’s dust.
It’s running naked through Rio’s Carnaval
Feeling the rhythm of Samba,
Disregarding all of the malicious gazes.
It’s closing your eyes
To live your oppressed fantasies,
Without the fear of being judged.
It’s the heat that consumes you
When you give your heart and body,
To your true love.
Bright Amaranth Pink is…
A trip to your unconsciousness
And a meeting with your True Self.
Well I guess I am back...
Apparently blogging is just a summer thing for me. I guess I got bored once again, and couldn't resist the temptation to create another blog. And yes, I was too lazy to repost everything so I just imported some posts from the old blog.
Once again I will promise to try to keep this one alive for as long as possible!
Once again I will promise to try to keep this one alive for as long as possible!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Winter's Wrath
Winter’s Wrath
He holds an old portrait as it was his child. He gazes at the window and sees the blue sky covered by thick grey clouds dimming the sun’s light. He remembers about the times where no matter where he looked to he saw life and vivid colors, and now he dwells in his fading memories. He reflects the day he had everything he could possibly want, and regrets, with bitter anger towards himself, how he only noticed the beauty of his life when he lost his most important belonging.
The cold air breaks into his cabin through the cracks in the wooden walls. He feels the air cutting thought his face as it was a bitter slap. He cries out laud in a desperate attempt to break Winter’s dead silence. The wind blows vigorously, now shaking the nearby trees as if It was trying to ease his pain by somehow communicating with him. He, however, breaks into an unexplainable swift insanity, destroying much of what was left from his possessions.
His madness urges him to uncontrollable impulses. Driven by his despair and lack of self-awareness, he runs outside in his bare body. He runs as fast as his degraded self can. He trips in a tree root near a frozen stream, and decided to stay lied down, patiently waiting for his fate. Suddenly, he remembers about the portrait in his right hand and looks at it for the last time. His eyes become as heavy as lead. He closes his eyes for the very last time, slowly prolonging and enjoying his very last moment and letting the snow embrace his naked body.
He holds an old portrait as it was his child. He gazes at the window and sees the blue sky covered by thick grey clouds dimming the sun’s light. He remembers about the times where no matter where he looked to he saw life and vivid colors, and now he dwells in his fading memories. He reflects the day he had everything he could possibly want, and regrets, with bitter anger towards himself, how he only noticed the beauty of his life when he lost his most important belonging.
The cold air breaks into his cabin through the cracks in the wooden walls. He feels the air cutting thought his face as it was a bitter slap. He cries out laud in a desperate attempt to break Winter’s dead silence. The wind blows vigorously, now shaking the nearby trees as if It was trying to ease his pain by somehow communicating with him. He, however, breaks into an unexplainable swift insanity, destroying much of what was left from his possessions.
His madness urges him to uncontrollable impulses. Driven by his despair and lack of self-awareness, he runs outside in his bare body. He runs as fast as his degraded self can. He trips in a tree root near a frozen stream, and decided to stay lied down, patiently waiting for his fate. Suddenly, he remembers about the portrait in his right hand and looks at it for the last time. His eyes become as heavy as lead. He closes his eyes for the very last time, slowly prolonging and enjoying his very last moment and letting the snow embrace his naked body.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Fun... Why not?
Last week I had to write a mock college acceptance essay
Well as always I will post the rough draft and polish it (maybe) later.
3a. In order for the Admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
I am a bag of carbon matter that one day felt like becoming. My name was supposed to be Dog, but the lady who was registering was dyslexic… and stoned. I have received more hate mail than the President, I have more friends than Tom, and I have sold more books than Rowling. Jesus calls me Pops.
I can speak two hundred and twenty seven million different languages, fluently; some of them are only spoken by one person. I found a flaw on Pythagoras’ Theorem. The Big Bang Theory is based on the day I decided to conduct an experiment with a match and a fart. Microsoft Word once formally asked me to spellcheck their spellcheck. Despite the curse, I can say Macbeth in the theater. I cannot, unfortunately, measure my IQ because the machine does not go over 100,000,000.
When I was a baby, I was only fed with Jack Daniels. I can beat Chuck Norris in an arm-wrestle competition with my pinkie. I can sneeze with my eyes open while secreting mucus from my iris. I once traveled through all European countries on a unicycle—Nude.
The movie series “Saw” and all of the Cannibal Corpse albums only cover a small part of a typical Saturday night with my pals. I, currently, hold all the world records; thus the Guinness Book only shows the second place losers. I can write my English essay in txt language and still get a perfect score. Tolkien did my landscaping; in his free time he wrote a few books about his adventures in my back yard.
I can say “that’s what she said” with perfect timing. Perfect timing, Ha! That’s what she said. So you better let me in.
Well as always I will post the rough draft and polish it (maybe) later.
3a. In order for the Admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
I am a bag of carbon matter that one day felt like becoming. My name was supposed to be Dog, but the lady who was registering was dyslexic… and stoned. I have received more hate mail than the President, I have more friends than Tom, and I have sold more books than Rowling. Jesus calls me Pops.
I can speak two hundred and twenty seven million different languages, fluently; some of them are only spoken by one person. I found a flaw on Pythagoras’ Theorem. The Big Bang Theory is based on the day I decided to conduct an experiment with a match and a fart. Microsoft Word once formally asked me to spellcheck their spellcheck. Despite the curse, I can say Macbeth in the theater. I cannot, unfortunately, measure my IQ because the machine does not go over 100,000,000.
When I was a baby, I was only fed with Jack Daniels. I can beat Chuck Norris in an arm-wrestle competition with my pinkie. I can sneeze with my eyes open while secreting mucus from my iris. I once traveled through all European countries on a unicycle—Nude.
The movie series “Saw” and all of the Cannibal Corpse albums only cover a small part of a typical Saturday night with my pals. I, currently, hold all the world records; thus the Guinness Book only shows the second place losers. I can write my English essay in txt language and still get a perfect score. Tolkien did my landscaping; in his free time he wrote a few books about his adventures in my back yard.
I can say “that’s what she said” with perfect timing. Perfect timing, Ha! That’s what she said. So you better let me in.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Stream of Constiousness
A decent idea turned out bad.... REALLY bad but Im posting it anyways just because I haven't updated in like.... two months
Ornec Ailiph
He loves her, but he knows they don’t love his love for her. In fact, they do not love anything about him, and they always call him sick. But not sick as in fever sick, but sick as in mentally sick, but he knows he is not sick… Well maybe just a little sick, but after all who is not just a little sick? He always loved her, and he swore to God that this feeling would never change. Maybe God is the only one who understands him, well God and Ballard, but Ballard is not really his friend. God always speaks directly to him, and perhaps the hatred of the other people is caused by their jealousy.
Ah! The night is beautiful and it is just the perfect setting for him to take his beloved on a date. “Bzzzzzzzzzzzz” He knows this is God’s sign revealing that He is about to send a message from above. ”Just ignore them all, they will try to ruin your night, but don’t let that happen.” He knows that God is always right, so he tries to prepare himself for the fatuous comments of the other people. After a twenty minutes drive, they arrive at the beach. He loves the beach, but not as much as he loves her. They sit in the old ragged chair that he had brought from his house; they watch the waves break right before reaching their toes for hours and hours. The wet sand sticks to his feet creating a truly relaxing moment. Although the sand does not stick in her feet, he still loves her no matter what.
His body shivers with the cold waters, but she is not bothered by them because for the past few months she has become very intimate with the cold. He does not care about her cold body, because he truly loves her. His body mimics the gentle and yet powerful motions of the sea. Soon many bystanders gather around them and give him a look of disgust and pity. They call him insane, but he does not care because he loves her. Following God’s instructions, he tries to ignore them, until they forcefully try to separate their bond.
He shrikes and screams, but they overcome his strength. They point at him and call him sick, but he knows he is not sick, maybe sick of love but not really sick. After breaking their physical bond, the they toss his beloved in the sea, make a prayer and finally release the “mad man”. This “mad man” decides to jump in the sea in search of his now lost love. Someone tries to impede him from jumping, but another does not let him take any action thus allowing the man to jump. The man who tried to save him gets angry, but the other other whispers on his ear: “Let him jump. It is better for him, because poor man never got over the loss of his wife that died a few months ago.”
Days passed by, and the two bodies were found, he died holding his beloved wife. Yes, he kept the promise he had made to God, he truly loved her.
Ornec Ailiph
He loves her, but he knows they don’t love his love for her. In fact, they do not love anything about him, and they always call him sick. But not sick as in fever sick, but sick as in mentally sick, but he knows he is not sick… Well maybe just a little sick, but after all who is not just a little sick? He always loved her, and he swore to God that this feeling would never change. Maybe God is the only one who understands him, well God and Ballard, but Ballard is not really his friend. God always speaks directly to him, and perhaps the hatred of the other people is caused by their jealousy.
Ah! The night is beautiful and it is just the perfect setting for him to take his beloved on a date. “Bzzzzzzzzzzzz” He knows this is God’s sign revealing that He is about to send a message from above. ”Just ignore them all, they will try to ruin your night, but don’t let that happen.” He knows that God is always right, so he tries to prepare himself for the fatuous comments of the other people. After a twenty minutes drive, they arrive at the beach. He loves the beach, but not as much as he loves her. They sit in the old ragged chair that he had brought from his house; they watch the waves break right before reaching their toes for hours and hours. The wet sand sticks to his feet creating a truly relaxing moment. Although the sand does not stick in her feet, he still loves her no matter what.
His body shivers with the cold waters, but she is not bothered by them because for the past few months she has become very intimate with the cold. He does not care about her cold body, because he truly loves her. His body mimics the gentle and yet powerful motions of the sea. Soon many bystanders gather around them and give him a look of disgust and pity. They call him insane, but he does not care because he loves her. Following God’s instructions, he tries to ignore them, until they forcefully try to separate their bond.
He shrikes and screams, but they overcome his strength. They point at him and call him sick, but he knows he is not sick, maybe sick of love but not really sick. After breaking their physical bond, the they toss his beloved in the sea, make a prayer and finally release the “mad man”. This “mad man” decides to jump in the sea in search of his now lost love. Someone tries to impede him from jumping, but another does not let him take any action thus allowing the man to jump. The man who tried to save him gets angry, but the other other whispers on his ear: “Let him jump. It is better for him, because poor man never got over the loss of his wife that died a few months ago.”
Days passed by, and the two bodies were found, he died holding his beloved wife. Yes, he kept the promise he had made to God, he truly loved her.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Blanket
Well this is a pretty crappy story that I wrote a few minutes ago... It was a good idea that did not turn out so well ><
Blanket
I laid over you in the darkest of the nights. I brought you protection, comfort, and warmth. As a child I was your best friend. We used to walk holding hands to wherever your imagination took us. I hid you from your own demons, and together we fought against the biggest of the foes.
As you grew, now being able to cope with your inner demons by yourself, I remained by your side. No, I was not just one more piece of cloth that is so disposable and weak! I was once again your best friend. The only one who heard all of your problems, the one who you cried to, and the one who never judged any of your actions. I brought you warmth, and was present in your most private relations.
Now, my friend, I am by your side once again. But this time I will be the only one with you, for where we are going no one may hear us, and we will not be heard by any one. I am truly thankful for the kindness and memories you supplied me, and really did not mind all the years of volunteer work I've been through... Because I did it all, my beloved, for the love I always felt to you.
Blanket
I laid over you in the darkest of the nights. I brought you protection, comfort, and warmth. As a child I was your best friend. We used to walk holding hands to wherever your imagination took us. I hid you from your own demons, and together we fought against the biggest of the foes.
As you grew, now being able to cope with your inner demons by yourself, I remained by your side. No, I was not just one more piece of cloth that is so disposable and weak! I was once again your best friend. The only one who heard all of your problems, the one who you cried to, and the one who never judged any of your actions. I brought you warmth, and was present in your most private relations.
Now, my friend, I am by your side once again. But this time I will be the only one with you, for where we are going no one may hear us, and we will not be heard by any one. I am truly thankful for the kindness and memories you supplied me, and really did not mind all the years of volunteer work I've been through... Because I did it all, my beloved, for the love I always felt to you.
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